I Am Two Women

I was a career oriented woman till the day I had my child. Then, my priorities changed. I gave up everything to take care of her and my house. I guess I wasn’t courageous enough to go back to university. I had become a dedicated housewife and although I felt envious towards the very successful women I saw all around me, I honestly didn’t make any effort to come out of my comfort zone and pursue something new. I was a coward I guess…too scared of unexplored horizons. 

Then came the difficult time when my husband’s business hit rock bottom. He didn’t have any work in his factory for 8 months straight and he had to sell off his assets to pay debts and to run the house. That’s when I experimented with working full time at a Non-Profit Organization. I worked there for four years. Professionally, I was really happy there. I was thriving in my workplace, learning something new everyday and making a very useful network of important people. On the flipside, my daughter was getting extremely neglected, which resulted in her grades going down, she being constantly irritated and my home was a mess. Ordering or eating out became the new norm as I just didn’t have time to cook. My relationship with my husband had also hit a rough patch as I was never there for him, for his daughter or for his home. It took me almost a year to decide that I couldn’t go on like that any longer. I had to let go of my job. And so I quit. For the sanity of my home and family and for the sake of my relationship with my husband and daughter. I was the second in command at my workplace when I resigned and it was the most difficult decision of my life to choose between the two things I cherished the most. 

I then started working with my husband part time and have been doing that ever since. It has been almost five years now. I work in the mornings when my daughter is at school and I come back home with her. I do sometimes go back if need be or work from home in the evenings but that’s not too often. My work is also not very stressful as I am normally just working on my computer, looking at accounts, marketing or managing the online content. There are times when I feel guilty, when I feel discontent. Especially when I see other women struggling and doing so much work, I feel as if I am useless. Life has been so easy for me lately. I am discontent because I am so content. I am scared for I am happy and I don’t have to struggle much. 

When I look back at my personal transformation over the past decade or so, there are a few things that I have learnt about myself:

  • I am not good at accepting change. I have a hard time walking through unknown, untreaded territory.
  • Guilt is the one thing that is always present inside of me… no matter what the circumstance. 
  • It has always been difficult to keep a steady balance in my life. 
  • I am always discontent.
  • I am scared of tomorrow. 

What I have learnt about life:

  • Circumstances change – Life changes. We cannot stay constant. We have to keep on evolving so we can be a part of whatever life has in store for us. 
  • As a woman, my first priority is and will always be my family. God has made us that way. It is pointless to argue with nature. 
  • Although, professionally, I am taking things real slow at this point in time, I want to have a solid base for myself. It is but only a few years before my daughter flies off from the nest and then I will have all the time in the world for my professional explorations. Till then, I want to enjoy and cherish every moment I have with her. 
  • Sometimes it’s best to sail with where the wind takes us. Let God be the captain of our ship and just embrace wholeheartedly what He has written for us. 

I wish all of you women out there eternal contentment in whatever you do. No job is small. Whether you run a business or you run a house, know that there is and there never will be another YOU!

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