How we came to be, will remain the biggest mystery of them all.
I’d like to be known by S.A. I have had so many transformations as a person during my 30 year journey on Earth, sometimes even I am surprised at the kind of person I was and the kind I have turned out to be. I am also faintly, secretly scared of what I would be tomorrow.
Born into a fairly middle class family, to over-protective, traditional parents, I sometimes felt caged in my own world. Maybe I was rebellious during my teens to see that my parents only wished what they thought was best for me. I was a straight A student and wanted to be a highly successful career woman. Maybe a lawyer or a politician… but my family thought that getting married first for a girl was more important and so I was married to A. at the age of 19 while still in university (a place I literally had to fight to get into with my dad as it was co-ed). I got pregnant a few months later and I went into a major emotional trauma… so much so that instead of focusing on what I should get done before I delivered, I just went into major depression and started blaming everyone around me for the situation I was in at that time. I got into so much self pity that I couldn’t finish university… the one thing I had literally fought over with my life! I kept on blaming my parents and especially my husband for that but I know now that it was my own weakness that got to me.
My daughter, F. is now a preteen and both her and A. are the best thing that could have happened to me! I now thank God for His mysterious ways and all the blessings that He has endowed me with. An amazing daughter and a loving husband… much more than what anyone can ask for.
I now work in A.’s office and although I work for only a few hours, I am content as I can give time to my home as well as F. I am happy but sometimes when I look at other strong women, facing so many struggles themselves and doing so well in both their personal and professional lives, I feel as if I am not doing enough. I sometimes feel like a complete failure as all this has been A.’s hardwork and not mine. I am content and unsatisfied at the same time. I am happy and sad – on top of the world and on the brink of collapse! My life is full of paradoxes! Do you ever feel that way?